This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
