my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think your dad took our porno
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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