FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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