He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
