I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
