Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
