Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
