Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
