I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
