I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
