Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
