did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
