It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
