OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
