you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
