i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
