You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
