So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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