the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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