16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
