tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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