we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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