so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
ttyl tear gas
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
