I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
