whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
