It was confusing and full of hummus
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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