He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Houston, we have a squirter
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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