My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
