I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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