i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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