Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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