I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
