My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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