so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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