at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
