Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
