don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
