My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
