when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
