Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
