Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
