Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
