Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
