Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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