forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it was like eating out sand paper
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
