we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
