I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
