I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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