dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
