She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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